I want to be clear about something right up front.
I did not do this for my husband.
And, I did not do this to prove anything to anyone else.
I did it because somewhere in the last decade, I felt like I had started disappearing. Not all at once. Gradually, the way it happens to a lot of us. Life gets loud. Responsibilities pile up. And one day you catch yourself in a mirror and feel strangely disconnected from the woman staring back. Like your body is a place you used to live.
I’m 62. Grandmother of five. I’m a semi-retired marketing executive turned midlife content creator. I’m married to an outstanding man and I have a full amazing life.
Yet I felt as if I had lost the thread back to myself.
The Slow Fade Nobody Talks About
Here’s what nobody tells you about getting older as a woman: the invisibility doesn’t announce itself. There’s no moment where the world goes, “Okay, we’re done paying attention to you now.” It just quietly happens. You board the plane and nobody jumps up to help you lift your bag. Suddenly you stop being the one people direct their questions to. You catch yourself deferring to younger folks, second guessing your online content, and wondering if you deserve to take up so much space.
And the more insidious version of it, the one that took me longer to name, is that you start doing it to yourself. You stop looking at your own body with any real curiosity or warmth. It stops feeling like yours. It feels like something you’re managing. Something that requires maintenance and apology and careful concealment.
I got tired of that.
My Annual Challenge: Do Something Scary
I’ve done a personal challenge for years: one scary thing. Not dangerous. Scary. The kind where your hands shake a little when you book it, where your brain immediately starts generating reasons to cancel.
I jumped off a 50-foot-pole despite my crippling fear of heights. In 2021 hiked the Bwindi Impenetrable Forest in Uganda to see mountain gorillas. I went paragliding off of a mountain. Hell, I got remarried at age 57.
And, for my 63rd year, I booked a boudoir shoot.
The idea landed in my head and my inner critic started immediately. You know the voice. The one who starts every conversation with “Who do you think you are?” followed by a detailed running inventory of everything your body isn’t anymore, everything it used to be, and everything it should be. The voice that is seeped in the patriarchy and intent on keeping women small in all ways. The voice that has memorized every beauty standard women have been handed and is happy to recite them on demand.
I almost talked myself out of it seventeen times. I booked it anyway.
Video: I Felt Like I Was Disappearing.
A Boudoir Shoot at 62 Changed That.
Why Marco Ibanez?
I didn’t stumble onto just anyone. I was introduced to Marco Ibanez by a trusted friend who had worked with him. Marco is one of the most recognized boudoir photographers working today. He’s based in Baltimore and has spent over a decade building a body of work that has won awards from Rangefinder, Lookslikefilm, and the Association of International Boudoir Photographers. He’s been featured in Shutterbug and the Huffington Post, speaks at major photography conferences worldwide, and was named a top studio. Marco has guided hundreds of women (including my friend) through this exact experience.
What It Was Actually Like
Let me tell you what I expected: I expected to feel awkward. Exposed. Hyperaware of every part of my body that doesn’t look the way it did at 35. I expected to spend the whole shoot in my head.
That is not what happened.
What Marco does, and I didn’t understand this until I was in the room, is he makes the whole thing feel like a conversation. He’s not standing back pointing a camera while you guess at what to do with your hands. He’s directing, adjusting, talking you through it. His energy is calm and specific and he clearly has seen every flavor of self-consciousness a woman can walk in with. Nothing lands awkwardly. Nothing feels weird. You stop thinking about what you look like and start just being there.
I wore lingerie. A bodysuit for part of it. I did some implied nudity. Nothing I wasn’t entirely comfortable with. Marco never pushed past where I wanted to go. The whole experience was completely on my terms, which honestly was the entire point of doing it in the first place.
At some point during the shoot, something shifted. I stopped performing for the camera and just existed in front of it. I don’t know exactly when it happened. But I noticed it.
The Moment I Saw My Photos
There was a moment in this process that I was unprepared for.
Marco doesn’t send you a bunch of proofs and ask you choose the ones you like best. He schedules a one-hour zoom call with you and shares your images. And you see yourself.
Not the version of yourself you’ve been narrating in your head. Not the one your inner critic has been editorializing about for years. Just you. In your body. Present.
I kept asking, is that me?
Not from vanity. I want to be clear about that. It wasn’t “Oh look how great I look.” It was more like running into someone you thought you’d lost. A recognition. She’s still there. She was there the whole time. I got goosebumps. I got a little emotional.
What struck me most was that the woman in those photographs wasn’t trying to look younger. She wasn’t apologizing for her body or hiding inside it. She was just occupying it. Fully, without commentary. I had forgotten that was possible. I had forgotten I was capable of that.
That’s what the scary thing was actually about.
What I Want You to Know
If you’ve been feeling invisible, I see you. The slow fade is real and it can be relentless. But it is not your fault and it doesn’t have to be permanent.
Also, this isn’t a prescription. Not every woman needs or wants a boudoir shoot, and I’m not here to tell you what your scary thing should be. Maybe yours is something completely different.
But if you have an idea that scares you and you can’t stop thinking about it?
The scary thing is sometimes just what you need. And now I have the photos to prove it.
Midlife Boudoir Photo Shoot Tips
Think about what you want to wear (or not wear). Unless you’re super skinny with no curves, ordering online is likely going to be tricky. After ordering more than 20 items online (and hating ALL of them) I booked an appointment with a local lingerie store (Sol in Cherry Creek.) I told my stylist what I was doing and she got me fitted properly and showed me pieces that were super flattering and age appropriate. I walked out an hour later feeling like a million bucks. Did I spend more than I expected? Yes. Was I happy with everything I purchased? Also yes. I now truly understand the difference between a handmade French bra and the size large “posture bra” I got from the TikTok shop.
Invest in hair and makeup. My background is in marketing and advertising and I’ve been around hundreds of shoots. Hair and makeup professionals are worth their weight in gold. The small amount I spent on my “glow up” made me feel confident and prepared. Plus my hair looked amazing for the next week!
Don’t crash diet. Just don’t. You’re not going to transform your body in two weeks and you will absolutely ruin your energy and mood trying. Hydrate instead. Sleep. That’s the actual prep.
Skip the posing tutorials. You hired a professional. Let them do their job. An experienced boudoir photographer has guided hundreds of women through this. You don’t need a Pinterest board of poses. You just need to show up and trust the process.
Tell the photographer what you want and what you don’t. Prefer your left side? Say so. Something you’d rather not highlight? Say that too. Marco did a prep call with me and I told him which areas of my body I wanted to highlight and which ones made me feel insecure.
The night before matters. Draw a bath. Put on a playlist that makes you feel like yourself. Drink water, not wine. Get to bed at a reasonable hour. Tomorrow you’re going to do something brave.
PIN IT!
CREDITS
- Photographer Marco Ibanez
- Glam Squad
- Hair Roman Swetnam
- Makeup Emily Couch
- Sol Lingerie
